his first day on the job

a man came up to me at my desk and asked what is the reason for x y and z

and I as I took a sip of Diet MakeNoEyeContact told the mofo his game was a baseless experiment I mean embarrassment I mean faceless faceless

your creepy grasping is hasp on my meta-flask Jasper you whiter than Casper

and so he took it upon himself to escalate this inquiry up through a channel



I looked up at the drop ceiling above me and saw all the other channels up there shimmerin and languishin and I told him

sonny boy if it'd been even a few short months ago I would've entertained a violently ambivalent fantasy

over you as in push your fuckin face into the copier and blast fax your face to the RNC under the subject re: put a apple in its ass and call me on Easter love, Satan and your continuing part in all of this is not quite your fault though not quite mine either & etc. etc.



but as it is I have graduated to the level of "Player" hahahahahahah

by which I mean to say that I am entertained by and am entertaining none of it this you etc.



and I never did many things heretofore never knifed a tire

never poked a Latina even though she lay in red thong underwear on my Brooklyn floor

never gamed up in the dorm rooms way back when when I should've and perhaps could've now

you just hunker down in your cubicle my dumb young friend and what amazes me about you people

is how unmitigated you all come through in your baseless optimism and arrogance it is

a nation of fools like you and yes me and that is the great undoing why

if I eschewed 11 beers etc. more often than not I'd be I was going to say some author of recent renown

to signify but no no



no I ain't your boss. but

I am the boss of this here middle phlangeee



(this is what I tell all the new people up in this motherfucker)